What does love got to do with HIV/AIDS? Let's look at some common reasons why, supposedly in the name of love, we don't protect ourselves against HIV.
Why don’t we ask our partners about their HIV status? ''Because I love him,'' or ''because she loves me,'' people often say. Why don’t we use condoms? ''Because I love him (or her).''
While I've heard it all over the past roughly 30 years, here are a few of my favorites:
- “If you really loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to use a condom.”
- “I love you baby. I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you.”
- “You’re the only one. You know I love you.”
- “Get tested for HIV? If you loved me baby, you would trust me.”
I get it. Human beings crave intimacy. And, sometimes there seems to be no limit to how far we will go and what we will do in our quest for it. This is particularly true for those of us who have been deprived of intimacy, marginalized within society or convinced that we are not deserving of intimacy, affection or love. Women, men who have sex with men and disenfranchised youth often share this experience. As a result, we confuse a lot of things—lust, loneliness, fear—with love. And, that confusion can sometimes be deadly.
Self love is the most important kind of love. Looking for love from someone else prior to learning to love ourselves is a very dangerous endeavor. If we love ourselves, we understand the importance of protecting ourselves. We understand that doing so communicates to others that we are worthy of love. But, most importantly self love provides a barrier against those who would do us harm.
